Life Effect
by marshallsaredead
Summary: A series of oneshots about each of Sarah Dessen's characters telling their significant others how they love them. Macy & Wes POSTED
1. Broken Rules

**Broken Rules**

Book: _This Lullaby_

He broke my rules. Most of them, that is. I vowed not to date musicians, but the fact that he was one didn't exactly stop me. I mean, sure, I thought about the fact that he was a guy in a band, but it never really caused me to _break up_ with him. It was a factor in our relationship, yet it didn't sop me from liking him. Plus, he was messy and disorganized. He couldn't even keep his shoes tied. Now that really annoyed me sometimes. But I put up with it. And it wasn't because I had to -because I could've just walked away whenever I wanted to, but because I chose to. It was my decision to go for someone who didn't even meet my standards, and that itself was a risk for me. I even bought him plastic ware, for God's sake. Now that means I _really_ like him.

My mother's been married five times. Her last husband was a cheating scumbag and didn't even deserve her. All of the times I've watched the marriages of my mother form and fall, I noted that no such thing as true love really exists. Love is always developing, but then it breaks. That's why it sucks -because someone in the end gets hurt. So I've chosen when I was a little girl, never to fall in love. It's pretty simple to, really. I'm able to have complete control over my feelings. But then thoughts trail back to him. He broke my rules; normally that wouldn't even happen. Once I discovered he was a musician like my father who didn't get the chance to know me, I should've just let go of the thought of being with him. But I didn't. I still went ahead and took the chance.

His name is Dexter. Now that has got to be the stupidest name you've ever heard. He wasn't perfect, but I still fell for him to my surprise. My mother, who was like me in some ways, broke her rules, too, for my father. I once asked her why and she gave me her answer. "I was in love," she said. So if Dexter managed to break my rules and steal my heart, does that mean that I might be in love with him? Does that mean we're really meant to be together like he claims we are? Yech. I need to brush off that last thought.

-

"Whatcha doing?" Dexter asked, resting his head on my shoulder as I was finishing wiping the rest of the dishes that were just washed. Being on tour with Truth Squad was fun if you liked constant burping and Dexter's cheesy challenges.

"What does it look like?" I replied. "I'm cleaning up after you guys."

I turned to face Dexter. He was cute if you liked tall guys (which I did). His hair was black and curly, sort of like a mad scientist kind of style. It sort of suited him. Not that he was a mad scientist, but still. He looked good.

Dexter looked like he was in deep thought, so I asked him, "What's up?"

Slowly, he said, "I think that you'd make a great mom one day, Remy."

I'm no where close to becoming a mother and there he goes, telling me that I'd make a good one. I don't even like kids that much. Dogs I could handle. But a baby was a real human being that actually needed proper care. I doubt I'd make a good mother. Besides, there's not even a guy that I'd think would make a good father. I do think that Dexter could handle kids, but come on: we're still freaking teenagers that don't know any better.

"And where exactly did you come up with that?" I responded.

He shrugged, heading toward a chair. He invited me over to his lap and I accepted the invitation. I played with the curls of his hair, twirling some around my finger. Dexter and I weren't exactly the type of couple that touch each other and make out with one another all the time. That's why he was different. As much as I hate to say it, with most guys, I ended up having sex. And I didn't like it, either. So it was new to my friends when they discovered I had yet to sleep with Dexter. It caught them off guard -and me too- that I was with someone who wasn't planned out.

"Well, one: you're always taking care of me and the guys, and two: you always clean up after us," Dexter said. "That's real mom potential."

"You're crazy," I said, laughing.

"And you love me."

I shook my head defiantly. Feelings for Dexter were strong, but love? I don't know. I've been exposed to broken relationships too much to actually experience and believe in love. But then I thought about my brother, Chris. He and Jennifer Anne are happily engaged and their wedding's soon. He told me about falling in love with Jennifer Anne. He didn't choose or decide to. It just happened and when he realized it, it was already done. There was nothing that he could've done to prevent that from happening.

I could be in love with Dexter. I could. I won't say that it's highly unlikely, because I've seen what love does. It changes you completely. And frankly, I've changed too. Love causes you to tolerate the things that bug you, and I have. Love makes people break their rules. And I did. Just for Dexter. So this is it, this is love. I am totally infatuated and in love with Dexter. And it scares me because I never thought it would happen so soon. Oh God.

"What's wrong?" Dexter asked.

I shook him off, getting off his lap. I couldn't believe it -I just realized I was in love with Dexter. He was right -I loved him. Cleaning Monkey, his dog, and buying him plastic ware, cleaning his room, watching him practice playing, and going on tour for him; that was all out of love. For the first time I realize how love feels like. And it's scary.

"Nothing," I said, panicked. It was so strange that something that used to be so meaningless to me had suddenly and _finally_ gotten to me. There isn't even anything that I can do to take it away. I, someone who's always been able to handle and control my feelings, have no idea what to do anymore.

"Are you sure?" Dexter asked. "You seem a little jumpy."

By this time, Dexter got up from his seat and made his way over to me (clumsily, I must say) and put his hand on my shoulder. I looked away; I was too shocked by myself. This wasn't happening, I wasn't _in love_. No, I'm just being delusional, I'm sure. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, so it can't happen now. Then again, why not? Why can't it happen now? I'm with the one person who managed to make me break all of my rules for him and my rules don't even apply to him anymore. I made an exception with him and all because I love him. Wow. I actually love him.

"Dexter?" I said, looking him straight in the eye. "You once said we were meant to be together. How? I mean, you barely knew me, so how'd you come up with the idea that we were supposed to be together?"

Dexter shrugged. "It was an instinct. Didn't you feel it?"

No, I didn't feel it then, but I do feel it now. Dexter and I were together because it was destiny. It all came down to timing; if I hadn't been there, at the car dealership, I wouldn't have been with Dexter. So fate made it so that Dexter and I would stumble upon each other and bring this day. For once, the idea of me being in love with Dexter made sense. Our fates entwined with one another -we were meant to be together and I know for a fact right now that I love him.

"I feel it now," I said as I tip-toed to kiss him. He smiled as I pulled back. "Dexter, there's something I want to know ..."

Dexter perked up. "What is it?"

"Well," I had no idea how to ask him. What was I supposed to ask, anyway? _Do you love me, Dexter?_ It sounded so cliché, I couldn't do it. But it seemed so simple, too.

"Well what?" Dexter pushed. It seemed like he knew where I was getting at, because he seemed more eager to know what I was saying. "Remy, what is it?"

"Um, well you see," God, I was speechless. I had never in my life been at a loss of words. This was so new to me. I couldn't even believe it was happening. If my friends back home knew what was going on, they'd probably jump off a cliff. "I broke my rules for you."

"Ah," Dexter said. "The strict no musician rule, right?"

"Yeah," I said, sheepishly.

"So what are you getting at?"

"No one's ever done that before," I started to explain. "No one's ever been able to cross that borderline for me. Except you. You were like, the only guy that's been so determined to get me to loosen up. You made me break my rules and that scared me." Never had I been so open with a guy before, either. Man, this is serious love.

Dexter smiled gently. "Well, the only reason you broke your rules, honey, was because you love me."

I nodded. "That's true."

Dexter's expression looked surprised for a moment and then regained its regular composure. I went back to talking, "Yeah, it's completely true. I do love you."

I kissed him again, wrapping my arms around his neck, bringing every memory he and I shared together back into a full circle, breathing in his sweet essence. I remember being jealous of Monkey because he was able to love Dexter so easily. I guess loving someone does come easily, but realizing it takes some time. Like Chris said, once you realize it, it's done. You can't do anything to take it back. This is life; love takes up a lot of it, and being too scared to live it is just going to be a waste. So when Dexter picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his narrow waist, I let everything flow, because that's how life is supposed to be. And I intend to be with Dexter. If it doesn't last forever, then I'll know that it wasn't a big waste like my mother would say. Instead of it being a waste, it was a time where I know I loved someone and that person loved me.

Just before Dexter's recently stained T-shirt was about to be pulled off, he whispered in my ear, "I love you, my fair Remy."

Love. It's a nice feeling.


	2. Second Chances

Wow, it seems like a lot of readers really enjoy this new "project" of mine. I really appreciate it; thanks a lot. However, I'm sorry about the delay in another update for this, I guess I was just a bit _too_ lazy. Anyway, here's another short story, hopefully one that won't disappoint.

* * *

**Second Chances**

Book: Someone Like You

College isn't what people say it is. What I mean is, people put more hype into the whole experience of dorming and classes and such than there actually is. I don't know, maybe as the years have been passing, I've been turning a little more pessimistic, but I _really_ don't see what the big deal about college is. Even worse, I'm still just a freshman. Which means that I still have three years to go. Yay for me.

Scarlett studies over at the community college across town, mainly because of Grace. I offered to be there with her, but she pushed me away saying, "Halley, just because most of my college life with consist of diapers and wailing, doesn't mean yours has to too. Come on, your life is meant for bigger things. Make the most of it. You don't have to stick around for me."

I wasn't going to listen to her, but my parents agreed with her. So in the end, everyone else had their way just the way they wanted, and I was stuck trying to please everyone.

It was late in the night. I checked the clock on the wall to see what time it was. It was around 11:45, and Scarlett was most likely trying to get Grace to go to sleep. My roommate, this goth chick who was almost never around, wasn't there as expected. Just as I was about to get into my pajamas, my cellphone rang. I looked at the caller ID, and it was Scarlett.

As soon as the phone got to my ear, Scarlett asked, "What are you going right now?"

"About to go to sleep," I answered. "Why?" I looked at the clock again.

"Are you sleepy?" she asked.

"Um, not really. Insomnia hits nights like these."

I heard Scarlett sigh. I was reminded of the night she called while I was at camp, telling me that Michael died. It was so sudden, and she just spoke to me with the calmest reaction. Sometimes I envied Scarlett for being able to stop emotions from bawling out. But I was jealous of her for other things too.

"Scarlett, what's wrong?" I asked her. "Did anything happen?"

"I'm at the hospital right now, Halley," she answered, again in her calm, soothing voice. "Please try to come."

Immediately I had to ask what had happened. "The hospital? Scarlett, for what? For who? Did something happen to Grace? What happened?"

There was silence for about two seconds. "Listen, Halley, just come as soon as you can, okay? I'll explain everything when you come."

Before I could try to get any information out of her, Scarlett hung up the phone, leaving me confused and nothing left to do but get dressed and head over the hospital. I got dressed quick, putting on a black cardigan over a pair of tapered jeans I was wearing. I grabbed my keys and began to drive.

As I was approaching the hospital thoughts ran through my head. Who was hurt? What was happening? Did something happen to any of my family members? I didn't know what to expect, Scarlett told me almost nothing. I wished I had more info on the matter before I reached the hospital to discover what the matter was. There were butterflies fluttering in my stomach because I was just so anxious.

Soon enough, I saw Scarlett waiting for me in front of the emergency entrance, her arms holding her chest. When I got out of my car and went up to her, I could help but notice the bags and dark circles under her eyes. I couldn't help but sympathize for her, after being so jealous of things she was able to have a grasp on that I couldn't.

"Scarlett, you look terrible," I said. "_Now_ could you please tell me what's wrong?" I couldn't help but still be a bit impatient.

"It's Macon," Scarlett said, her voice shaky. "He got into an accident."

I didn't even know what to say. Was I supposed to care about Macon? The big question was, should I even show that I care? Macon used to be a big part of my life, but now he's just bits and pieces of it. I couldn't believe Scarlett got so worked up over Macon. But that was Scarlett, all right, always putting others before her.

"So let me get this straight," I said slowly, "you made me drive across town just to see Macon?" I shook my head, not trying to hear Scarlett's reply. "I don't care about this. I mean, I don't need to be here at all. Why am I here? Why are _you_ here? Since when did you suddenly become such best friends with Macon Faulkner?"

"Halley, I know you think you don't care, but the truth is, you _do_," Scarlett insisted. "He might die, Halley. Macon's condition is serious right now. Look, don't just leave because you're mad at me for bringing you here."

I was mad. Why was I going to get involved in this situation? Macon and I aren't even on good terms; we hadn't been in a few years. I wasn't about to stick around and wait for doctors to tell me the fate of Macon's life. He's not even that much of a big part of my life if you think about it. I fell in love, he wanted sex, I couldn't give it to him, so we're done. That's it. In the end, I got hurt, so I didn't need to be there, waiting to see if Macon's health improved.

"Weren't you the one that told me years ago that he was pretty much scum for trying to make me do something I didn't want to do? Why are you so worked up over Macon?" I demanded. I shivered because we were outside, and it was pretty cold.

"Look, I just invited him over, and he just –right there, right in front of my house, his car crashed with another, and we're here right now," she said. "I was right there."

"Why was he there in the first place?" I asked. I didn't sound too nice, mainly because I was trying to hide how I really felt.

Honestly, I felt numb and cold. Macon was lying there in a hospital bed, maybe even about to die, and I was complaining about why I had to be there. God forbid, if anything did happen to him –I wouldn't want to be there. I wouldn't want to watch him die. Even if I won't admit it to a soul at all, including Scarlett, I still care about Macon. He's one of those people you can't forget, one of those people who will always have a place in your heart no matter how much they hurt you. I still cared about him, and I guess I was just angry because why should I be taking concern of what happened to Macon, when he didn't do the same for me when he himself was the cause of me being in a car accident? It didn't make sense at all.

"I wanted to talk," she answered.

I shrugged. "We could've done that."

"About Michael," Scarlett said quietly. She turned away from me. "I miss him, Halley. For God's sake, he's the freaking father of my daughter. And Macon knew him more, anyway." She looked at me again, and I saw that she was close to tears. "I have to live everyday of my life knowing that the first person I fell in love with died and I couldn't have the chance to even say goodbye, or how much I love him." She took my hand and said, "I don't want that to happen to you."

I pulled my hand away from hers. I didn't realize that I was close to tears, too. "I loved Macon, but he couldn't do the same for me. Scarlett, I know you miss Michael, but let's not make this about me, okay?"

Scarlett frowned. "How could you be so bitter? Halley, Macon's practically lying on his deathbed and all you can do is bicker about how you don't want to be here. Don't you want to talk to him, Halley? What if, God forbid, this is the last chance you can talk to him? Do you want him to leave under the conditions you two are? Don't you care about him at all?" She was yelling, trying to make me understand that if I wanted things to go my way, like I've wanted for a while, then I had to go take this chance.

And then, of course, I yelled back.

"Shut up, for Pete's sake. Quit nagging me! I already know how much I love him, okay? I don't need you, or anything else to help me realize this, okay? I love him, yes, I know!" I didn't realize that rain has started to fall. Or the fact that I just said I loved Macon.

But suddenly, it all came back to me; every memory, every word, every kiss, touch, breath. I loved Macon, and that mattered at the moment was that I had to tell him. If he died, I'd regret this moment my whole life. Now that I thought about it, I never told him how much I loved him. Oh God, I loved him. And I was about to tell him for the first time.

I began to sheepishly smile. "I love him."

Scarlett nodded. "Yeah, you do." She nodded over to the entrance. "Room's 202. Give me your keys, I'll wait in your car. Go get him, girl."

"Wait, you're not coming?" I asked.

"Halley," she snapped. "You're wasting precious time here. Go!"

The day was about to become a big milestone in my life. For the first time ever, in my whole life, I was going to tell the boy I loved how I felt for him. This was going to be big for me. In fact, I wasn't even prepared. But I guess that didn't matter. All I had to do was just tell him how I felt. That was it. The world wasn't going to end once I told him, so there was no problem in saying it.

I sneaked into the room. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be in there or not, however. I quietly closed the door behind me, and turned to look at him. And there he was. His arm was broken, his nose was bandaged, and there were scars on his face. Yet, he still had that charm, making me think all over again how handsome he was.

I pulled out a stool from under the bed, and took a seat. He was breathing slowly, and for a moment I just watched him. I looked at the heart rate monitor, wondering if he really was going to die. He couldn't –I couldn't live without him. I suddenly grasped the fact of how much I loved him.

"Hey," I said, knowing that he couldn't hear me. "Um, it's me, Halley." I swallowed, unsure of what to say. "I know we haven't spoken in a while, and um, I guess we're now here." I took a deep breath and went on, "You're someone who's almost everything to me, Macon; I love you." So there, I said it. But there was still no response. Not that I was expecting one, but still. What I just said seemed so light, so simple. But I decided to keep on talking. "In high school, though, I found out that you couldn't love me back the way I wished you would."

I sighed. At that point I was just blabbering about anything. "Please," I whispered, "don't leave me." I leaned forward, kissed his forehead, and whispered again, "I love you."

Macon began to turn. He coughed and then blinked. I didn't know when I was ever happier in my life. He was awake. I smiled at him, stroking his cheek.

"Halley," he said, his voice throaty and husky.

"Shh," I told him. "Don't waste your breath on me."

"Already have," he replied, his voice barely in a whisper. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," I responded. I smiled at him again, not sure of what to say. I was so overwhelmed about seeing him with his eyes open, I was pretty much speechless.

Just then, the door opened, and a nurse came in. She seemed surprised to see someone in the room. She was a short lady with a beauty mark on her right cheek.

"You're not supposed to be here," she told me. "You have to leave."

"Can she stay longer?" Macon asked, his voice the loudest I've heard since he started speaking. "She just came."

"Sorry, sweetie, but she has to leave," she said sympathetically to Macon. She smiled at me as I got up.

When I stood, Macon grabbed my hand and said, "I love you, too, Halley. Remember that."

I always imagined that the first time I told a guy that I loved him, we would be outside in the rain, with him embracing me. Then I'd just whisper "I love you" and he'd say the same thing, then share a passionate kiss that would last for a lifetime. But this moment with Macon seemed much better in comparison.

"Get better," I told him.

"Don't worry," Macon said, smiling. "I'm coming for you soon."

"I'm waiting."

And that was a promise I kept, because sure enough, he got better and we were reunited, like long-lost lovers separated by an evil force. I got him back, and after a long time, something finally went my way.

* * *

Well, this pretty much ended up like crap. Gee, I'm sorry to all of you who just finished reading this. Halley and Macon's story didn't go the way I wished it would have. Meanwhile, I have a good plan about Caitlin and Rogerson's story. I think people will enjoy the next update. Be warned about angst. 


	3. To Be Me And You

**To Be Me And You**

Book:_Dreamland_

Dear Rogerson,

It's me, Caitlin. I think you figured that out when you got this letter. I know it's weird for me to be writing to you with all that's happened. God, this is so hard to do. Look, I know that things were hard for you; you made that obvious. Things were difficult for me too at the time. We could've even helped each other. But that didn't work out, as we both know.

I can't sleep well anymore. I just think about that part of my life that doesn't seem to end because I'm still holding on to something that everyone thinks I should let go of, but I'm not sure if I can. You've already taken so much from me –how do I just pretend like you never did and resume life?

Rogerson …I still love you. Every day of my life, there's a point where I stop what I'm doing, bite my lip to stop myself from crying, and just think, "_You love him, Caitlin. That's not going to change._" I allowed myself to be your punching bag only because I love you. That's what made everything different. I let you take out all your anger out on me.

When I'd wake up next to you during those certain nights, I could tell you were trying to look past the bitterness and try to see something real, something intimate. The anger was what you were trying to get rid of. I just –I don't know why you'd take it out on me. Why did I have to be the one who got hurt because you were miserable? And why were you miserable when you had me? Didn't I ever make you happy? Wasn't I enough? Instead of abusing me like that, couldn't you just hold me, and wouldn't that have been enough to hold on to?

What went on, Rogerson? What made you do it? You could've opened up to me, I would've listened. I'm not like other girls, you know that. I love you. I hope that someday we can look past the horrid moments and just be ourselves. I wanted a safe haven, and I thought I had found it. But how much longer did I have to put up with those attacks? Other girls would've run away from you. I stayed because I love you.

Because I love you.

Love always,

Caitlin

P.S. I know this letter's short, but I just wanted to let you know how I was feeling. I don't know if you're going to reply, but that'd be nice. It'd at least let me know that I'm holding on to something that's worth it.


	4. Secret Heart

**Secret Heart**

Book: _The Truth About Forever_

I was almost done packing up my boxes. Tomorrow, by this time, I'd be in a car with my mom and Caroline, driving to Pennsylvania so that I could start my life at college, make new friends, study to get good grades, and dream of becoming as successful as my mother. And of course, I'd also be thinking nonstop about leaving Wes behind so that I could enjoy a college experience away from family in a dorm with an unknown roommate.

When I was applying to colleges, I didn't think of actually moving away from home. I had always thought that maybe I'd stay close to Lakeview, or even commute from my house if I had to. I wanted to stay close to my friends and family. I didn't think I'd actually leave them. Applying to the University of Pennsylvania was just to see if I could make it to an Ivy League school.

But when the acceptance letter came in the mail, everyone had encouraged me to accept the offer. My mother insisted, saying that it would be the right path to go. Caroline completely gushed. Delia, Bert, Kristy, and Monica were thrilled. Even Wes told me I should go, although I knew he'd miss me. Wes would never make me give up my future in order to be with him. But I wanted to.

Delia invited everyone for dinner as a way to bid me farewell. My mother, who had recently decided to take work easier, took a day off to prepare for the event. Caroline drove into town so that she could say goodbye to me, too. Jason, who had heard of the news called me on my phone to congratulate me when I found out I had gotten in. He said he was proud of me.

The dinner that Delia prepared probably could've fed fifty people. The dishes looked completely mouth-watering and I knew that I would have to start running in the morning to burn off all the food I was going to be eating that night.

"Delia," my mother began, "you've really outdone yourself."

"I'll be gaining a few pounds tonight," Caroline agreed.

Delia beamed at the compliments. "Our Macy's going away. What do you expect?" She walked over to me and gave me a hug I sank into. As she held me and I looked past her, my eyes caught Wes' and I felt my heart sink. I was going to be leaving him.

"Thank you," I said. "This means a lot to me, Delia."

She stroked my cheek. "No problem, Macy. We'll really miss you."

Kristy chimed in, "Oh my God, I can't believe you're actually leaving this place!"

Wes coughed. Everyone turned to look at him. He shrugged and said, "Let's save the sentiments for later."

And so we had the dinner of our lives. We ate like we never ate before. We laughed huge belly laughs. My mom even got slightly tipsy from the wine she drank. Caroline had tears streaming down her cheeks from hearing the somewhat corny jokes Bert was telling her.

Wes, who sat next to me, silent throughout the whole feast, tapped my knee and suggested we get out of the room. We excused ourselves and walked out to Delia's garden. I saw statues that Wes had obviously made, an angel with a heart in her hand.

"So," I said. "This is it, I guess."

Wes nodded. "How about one last game of truth?"

I took a seat on a bench. Wes sat close next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, holding me close. I felt shivers down my spine, and regret that I didn't know what I could say to let him know how I was feeling about leaving. The only thing holding me back would've been Wes, and that was because I loved him. Only, I never told him that because like one point in my life, I was holding back because of fear of letting loose.

"Whose turn?" I asked.

"I think it's yours," Wes replied, taking hold of my hand.

I swallowed. I couldn't do this. I didn't have it in me to leave this behind. Why did I accept Pennsylvania? I could've just gone to a community college and things would've remained the same. I could've still done this with Wes whenever I wanted. If I missed him whenever I was at home and he was at his, what was going to happen to me when I would be miles away from him?

"Okay," I started, "let's see, first question: will you miss me when I'm gone?"

Wes rolled his eyes. "That's hard." He gently let go of my hand and ran it through his hair. "I think we both know the answer to that."

"Your turn," I said, not to passionate about the game anymore.

Wes took thirty seconds or so to present his question, "What's one thing that you think would make you stay?"

I glared at Wes. "What is it with you and always asking questions you know the answer to?" I looked deep in his eyes, trying to find some kind of emotion he was trying to hide, but couldn't see anything. "If there's one thing that would make me hesitant about going off to college, then it'd be you. God, it _is_ you."

"Then here's my follow up question," Wes said, straightening up. "Why?"

"Why?" I repeated. I knew Wes wasn't stupid. But was he really so oblivious about the answer? "Because I care about you, Wes."

"Bert cares about you. Does he make you want to stay?"

I couldn't believe that he wanted me to go into details. If I admitted anything I felt for him that he didn't know about, then I'd really not want to go. If I told Wes that I loved him, I'd want to stay so that we'd be in love. Long distant relationships are brutal, and I didn't want to go that way.

"Well," I began, "Bert's my friend. I'd miss him." I looked away from Wes, signaling that silence was preferred at the moment.

I couldn't go without telling Wes I loved him. Saying 'I love you' over the phone or through email is different than saying it person to person. I wanted to look into Wes' eyes, melt into him arms, and say those three words that I didn't have the guts to say. I was scared that maybe Wes wouldn't feel the same way. When I told Jason I loved him, he put our relationship on a break, and even though I knew Wes wasn't the least bit like that, I couldn't find any reasons to convince myself that Wes would never hurt me. If Wes ended up saying that he didn't feel the same way I did, then I might actually be boosted into going away so that I wouldn't have to face him for a while. But I wanted to be with Wes.

"Macy," Wes said, his voice nearly a whisper.

I looked at him sadly and then reached for a kiss. I might as well gone for it then than to not receive a kiss at all if it turned out to be that Wes didn't feel the same way I did.

I pulled back, but Wes came forward again, seeming urgent and wistful in his contact. His lips were soft, and each kiss he's ever given me has always been memorable.

I stood up. I looked at the starry sky and started to shake my head.

"I can't do this," I said. "I can't depend on a stupid game so that I can tell you why I don't want to leave."

"Macy?" Wes said, standing up as well.

"No, Wes, hear me out," I brushed him off. "Ever since I've met you, things have changed. Things didn't have to be so perfect anymore and I didn't have to stop keeping all my feelings caged in because of fear, but now –" I paused, taking a deep breath, and to make sure Wes was listening carefully. "But now, it's just like that again. I'm scared to tell you how I feel because I'm scared of what you might say."

"I want you to be happy, Macy," Wes said, before I could continue. "Don't be afraid, be alive." His arms reached around my waist and he held me there for a moment. "I don't think of you going away to college as me losing you. I think of it as a transition to a step higher in our relationship. Macy, I –"

"I love you," I blurted out before he could disappoint me with anything he might have gone on to say. "And because of this, I don't want to go."

"I love you too," Wes said, after a moment as if he just realized it. "And I'll miss you. But I don't want to feel guilty about being the one thing that's making you put a hold on your life." He stroked my hair. "I know it's hard, but we'll get used to it."

I bit my lip. I knew I was going to cry. I could feel the waterworks coming and I didn't know if I could control myself. This was all so overwhelming. I never thought I could go though this.

"Your dad would've been proud," Wes said, smiling at me.

I began to sob, with Wes holding me, and gently rubbing my back to calm me down.

"Macy, we all love you. _I _love you. I'm proud of you, too. I've seen you change from the first time we've met up until now and I've never been able to experience anything better than watching a beautiful girl coming of age. Nothing's going to change, Macy. I promise." Wes paused for his words to sink in. "Again, I love you."

I wiped my tears with my sleeve, and moved my hair out of my face. I realized, with Wes standing there and moonlight shining down on us, with everything beginning to make sense suddenly, that this was perfection.

This was love. Now now now.


End file.
